Frogs

I've decided to let you all in on a little secret. I HATE FROGS!!! I realize in admitting this that I might being setting myself up for some undesirable prank or unfortunate mishap. However, I feel that its time to let the cat out of the bag. You should know that I thoroughly hate frogs. There is nothing remotely cute or appealing about these wretched creatures. Sure, you can go buy some stuffed green thing off of the shelf at the zoo that does in fact look cute, but lets be realistic; you know very well that that stuffed frog is no resemblance to the real deal. I must warn you, if you have a sincerely deep love and devotion to these waste of space amphibians, I strongly encourage you to stop reading now. Although I still hate frogs with more passion than a man with irritated irritable bowl syndrome looking for a commode, I am not near as ruthless towards them as I used to be. I used to stick m-80's (thats dynamite for children) in the mouths of frogs and watch them sky rocket into a million pieces just for kicks and giggles. I used to take a water hose and put the end of it in the frogs mouth just to watch it inflate like a balloon. One time, I put gasoline in a a large cup and was going to throw the frog in it and then light it on fire. However, good reasoning told me that the cup was to large; there was to much gasoline in it. So, I poured out half the gasoline into a smaller cup. Both cups were now sitting beside each other and both cups were half full. I threw the frog in one cup and dropped a lit match into it only to see the frog leap out of the cup with a flame attached its rear. The frog not only leaped out, but while on fire leaped into the other cup of gasoline which caused a small explosion. The frog leaped out of that cup and as it made it's get-away, the cup fell over onto a bunch of pine straw. Well, then there was fire. We managed to put the fire out after a while only to find a very charred, but living, frog. You would think that the frog would've earned the right to live. Come on folks, I hate frogs, why would I let him live to get his revenge on the one who burned him up? Well, we put the frog out of his misery with America's favorite past time; frog baseball.  

I know all of this seems really disturbing. I agree. I was not always this way. I think the turning point was when I used to play with frogs in the ditch at my grandmothers house. One day I picked up a frog and squeezed it a little to hard. The guts came out all over me and I have never been the same. I need you to know that I know that frogs are God's creatures. I haven't killed any frogs since I was a little boy, but I still hate them with the passion. If anyone knows anyone who can take me frog gigin, just let me know.